existential breakdowns whoooo

i layed there, staring at the deathly grey ceiling, patiently restless inside the emergency triage. emotionless faces gawk at me from every corner, and i layed there feeling completely exposed to the unforgiving fluorescent lighting of this 1970s hospital. the atmosphere was heavy with grief, heavy waves of paranoia kept my weary lids from embracing a peaceful solace all too easy. my shoulders ached and my fingers tingled from two hours of nonstop hyperventilation, a sense of existential despair hung over my troubled mind causing my ego to frantically rationalize such an abysmal situation i managed to manifest. the sheer terror i felt of my own inpending doom proved a worthy adversary, death was almost certain.

dehydrated, sleep deprived, drug induced panic attacks usually end up with a bad trip.
i was on a survival edge at this late hour. i was flying on copious ammounts of ingested THC, alchohol, and adrenaline resulting in many unwanted effects. hallucinating at a alarmed rate i was most definately living out my own self induced hell. the darkest and deepest depths of my mind displayed in such gross detail the deprivaties of human kind. for 6 hours my perception occupied the mind of a psychopathic shizophrenic, a worrisome philosipher, a musical mastermind, a visionary, a medium, an autistic savant, a weathered man and a scared little boy all at the same time. laying on that sretcher all of these archytpes of my ego patiently waited to die.

i saw death manifest, he was cloaked and hooded.
i still dont know what to make of that vision as it still weighs heavy on me.
i heard the bellowing sobs of a newly annointed widow down the hall lost in her own denial.

this is necessary, life feeds on life feeds on life......


it all weighs so heavy
i still havent slept